Tears

 

@lorewilbert

@audreyassad

I'm a hoarder at heart. I think if I can just amass and organize all the ideas, I can make sense of life. I can see the irrationality of this. I am creating clutter. I can never synthesize sense. But I'm still going to keep this log of what is influencing me, what is speaking to me. 

Every verse of this song speaks to my soul, and brought tears to these long-dry eyes. It's easy to look down ones nose at this (at least for me), because it's all so impractical, and we need to be realistic, and maybe we're also afraid of disappointment. But this is what has been turning over and over in my mind this week.

Back to blogging

I re-discovered this blog recently.

Reading the previous entries makes me often puzzle at my past perspectives. It's amazing how much can change in a few years...theologically, vocationally, relationally. I guess it's encouraging that change and growth are taking place.

I'm still over here trying to make sense of the world.

And probably what I think I have figured out this year will seem juvenile in another ten. Maybe I should be hoping for that, in fact.

But I am working on trading the dizzying, internal swirling thoughts for articulated ideas. I'm journaling more instead of just trying to detach from emotions. I'm sharing bookish thoughts on Instagram instead of just closing the book and moving on to the next thing. I think that understanding oneself is the first step to understanding the world. I experience the world as myself. Every observation I have of the world is going to come through my unique lens and I want to be more aware of how that happens.

So, I'm going to start blogging again. I'm anticipating a shamelessly self-focused arena for sharing what's on my mind. It seems everyone wants to be an influencer these days. My goal is not to have other people visit and appreciate my words. My goal is to better understand what is influencing me already, and hopefully shape that for the better.

Spotify says:

YUP.