I just spent the greater part of the evening endeavoring to scrapbook. I first had to organize to make space in my cluttered room, and then search for papers mute enough to accompany the Peruvian landscape. I ended up completing only two layouts. I also realized how far behind in scrapbooking I am... I went to Peru over two years ago!
But what fun it was to revisit the experience. I remembered Jean-Pierre and David, two of my "favorite" children we worked with through the YMCA children's programs. I remembered Sarvia, our host missionary, and her tireless and selfless service to those children, her family, her church, and to us. I remembered Sandy, the beautiful then-13-year-old in my host family in the community who was full of great dreams for her future, like following in her mentor's footsteps and serving at La Guay (The Y).
In my searching under my bed tonight, I found my journal from the Trek as well... I was reading from the part during "debriefing." We spent a lot of time looking back on the trip, thinking and reflecting on it, and many people shared testimonies of Great Big Things that had happened-- how God had used them, or what God had called them to through their experience. I think this atmosphere was a great deal of the reason, but I tell you... I was so frustrated! So frustrated that it overflowed within me during a group meeting. I didn't have a grand story of the work God had done while we were there. I didn't even have a neat take-home lesson from the experience. I couldn't express how my outlook had changed, and I hadn't uncovered a grand calling on my life. It sounds so silly now, but I was wondering if the whole trip hadn't been a waste. There was nothing I could "set on the shelf" and say, "This is what happened. This is what the trip was for."
Of course it sounds silly now, because I can see a little better now. All the ways that my Trek to Peru were good and worthwhile could make for another blog another time, and it should be enough to suffice anyway that it was what I believed God had for me that Summer, and I believe it was honoring to him for me to obey. But ONE of the reasons that Peru was worthwhile was this lesson that I came to understand, at least a little bit, during debriefing after pouting about the trip being a waste of time... even saying those words during that meeting came as a shock to me, but after I said them and they was able to talk, think, and pray about them, I wrote in my journal:
"This trip isn't a perfect package, an clearly defined "episode" in my life with God. I don't want to receive something profound, complete, and perfect now, and then live on it and tell others about it for awhile and then move onto the next big thing. Yet again, God, you are showing me that my walk with You is daily, always growing, always changing. And hopefully not feeling full of a well-organized, sorted-through take-home message might help me seek you more every day. Let it be."
I do not mean to belittle receiving lessons thatGod teaches us through various circumstances. As humans, we need those! How we need to be able to remember, "This happened, and God taught me this." It is good to think and pray about what those lessons might be...... but sometimes there isn't one. (And even more often, you don't see it the very next day!) And we shouldn't be discouraged and think that God is not at work just because it is not clear what the point is.
SO I guess I'm saying that one of the reasons I'm grateful I went to Peru two summers ago is that it prepared me for this "season of life," where I'm not exactly sure what the point is of my current situation. Surely it could be endured if I knew I was going to learn some bit of wisdom I could share with others, or that God was going to work some miracle. But I'm just not sure what the purpose is. And while I'm not exactly thrilled about it most of the time, it is okay. In fact, it is good because God is still at work, refining my character, teaching me to trust Him (and only Him).... and because of his presence, life is truly good.
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